(Keep in mind that the bulk of this story is based on ACTUAL events.)

So I decided to treat my two lovely adopted from a Peruvian sweatshop children, Dali and Phwang Fu to a first run movie to celebrate their newly acquired working permits, The children insisted on spending their upcoming summer vacation at a migrant worker camp.

Ahh...but I digress. They were both really excited about seeing the movie Mortal Kombat: Annihilation. I had purchased three tickets ahead of time knowing that they would probably be sold out. At the last moment Dali had threatened me with a lawsuit if I did not bring his court appointed interpreter...So we bring Salvador with us hoping that we would be able to get an extra ticket.

(the rest of this is the truth)

So we get there **MKA SOLD OUT** yes...sold out. we got in line and I more or less made a royal pest of myself until the ticket taker let my party through. We get into the theater and yes you guessed it...it was packed! There were four in our party and I was having no luck finding four seats together. I found three seats for the kids and Salvador but not Me. The acne-scarred usher guided me to an empty seat nearby.

I was seated between a man who looked to be an underworld crime boss and the other man, a geek. At this point the movie had already started and I was hearing odd noises from the geek next to me, I was about to ask him what he said but soon found out he wasn't talking to me..because this unfortunate fellow had

Tourettes syndrome!

Yes....and yours truly was stuck next to this misfit of nature for the ENTIRE film. I can say with honesty that I wished that a bolt of lightning would come down from the sky and kill the stuttering bastard. But no, this creature continued to babble through the whole film. "Lu Kein, Sonya Blade, Rayden" over and over. He was chanting this over and over. I wanted to kill him. I really wanted to kill him. He was snorting, barking and hissing..slapping his lap and face and while all this was happening I was leaning toward the underworld crime boss so people would not think I was with the guy. I am not sure if I am making myself clear in my description of this geek so I will give you a visual: Imagine if you can a combination of these people:

semi-retard Forrest Gump	Charlie Babbit from "Rainman"	Spaz Comedian Bob "Bobcat" Goldthwait	The guy from the movie "Shine"

Okay are you cringing yet? Can you feel my pain? I have no idea if the movie was any good or not because I was sitting next to this future talk show guest! What possessed this man to leave the house? Don't these people take drugs to control their socially unacceptable affliction? Does he know how he acts...the chanting snorting and slapping? More importantly, does he not realize that his very presence ruined my whole movie going experience? Some of my questions will never be answered. And people wonder why I hate the movies.

the end.


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